No End In Sight by Jenn Meanor
Where is the END in Endo?
Where is the end in pills/medication, hormones—trying to change, to cover up, what's not going away?
Where is the end in medical bills year on end?
Where is the end in heating pads hugged to our abdomens and pressed into our backs?
Where is the end to PAIN—searing, throbbing, stabbing, aching, dull, constant, one way or another, agony?
Where is the end of sobbing, wondering "How much longer do I have to do this? Please, can't I have just one moment of relief?
Where is the end to sleepless nights—thoughts swimming, stomachs churning?
Where is the end to the nausea?
Where is the end for longing for a child, when there are so many alone?
Where is the end to losing our choice, to getting a choice for that matter?
Where is the end to loss, of what was, or could have been?
Where is the end to fertility clinics and adoption agencies—"Dear God, is 1 really too much to ask/pray for?"
Where is the end to bloating, living in a body that is not our own, looking pregnant when that's the only thing some of us want more than anything in the world?
Where is the end to passing on activities, relations, parties, b/c we know we'll be in pain for a week afterward?
Where is the end to being afraid to leave the house b/c someone might mention the flu, and we'll catch it?
Where is the end to not kissing our partner b/c they MIGHT have a cold?
Where is the end to the blood?—Even inside our bodies it never ends!
Where is the end to the ER visits and hospital stays month after month?
Where is the end to begging for answers, for surgeries, for treatments, in the hope of better days?
Where is the end to wearing a mask (figuratively)?
Where is the end to someone saying "You look great!" when on the inside you're falling apart, and you're not sure what's left that's still working?
Where is the end to letting people down?
Where is the end to people not understanding?
Where is the end to losing our jobs?
Where is the end to ignorance all around us?
Where is the end to no health insurance?
Where is the end to more doctors and therapists than friends?
Where is the end to alternative therapies not being covered?
Where is the end to doctors not working together?
Where is the end to 77 million women worldwide crying out with a common voice, "I'm hurting—HELP ME!"?
Where is the end??
EndLESS is more like it!
Not endO! like a verse in a song!
For a person with Endo—it never ends.
Where is the end in pills/medication, hormones—trying to change, to cover up, what's not going away?
Where is the end in medical bills year on end?
Where is the end in heating pads hugged to our abdomens and pressed into our backs?
Where is the end to PAIN—searing, throbbing, stabbing, aching, dull, constant, one way or another, agony?
Where is the end of sobbing, wondering "How much longer do I have to do this? Please, can't I have just one moment of relief?
Where is the end to sleepless nights—thoughts swimming, stomachs churning?
Where is the end to the nausea?
Where is the end for longing for a child, when there are so many alone?
Where is the end to losing our choice, to getting a choice for that matter?
Where is the end to loss, of what was, or could have been?
Where is the end to fertility clinics and adoption agencies—"Dear God, is 1 really too much to ask/pray for?"
Where is the end to bloating, living in a body that is not our own, looking pregnant when that's the only thing some of us want more than anything in the world?
Where is the end to passing on activities, relations, parties, b/c we know we'll be in pain for a week afterward?
Where is the end to being afraid to leave the house b/c someone might mention the flu, and we'll catch it?
Where is the end to not kissing our partner b/c they MIGHT have a cold?
Where is the end to the blood?—Even inside our bodies it never ends!
Where is the end to the ER visits and hospital stays month after month?
Where is the end to begging for answers, for surgeries, for treatments, in the hope of better days?
Where is the end to wearing a mask (figuratively)?
Where is the end to someone saying "You look great!" when on the inside you're falling apart, and you're not sure what's left that's still working?
Where is the end to letting people down?
Where is the end to people not understanding?
Where is the end to losing our jobs?
Where is the end to ignorance all around us?
Where is the end to no health insurance?
Where is the end to more doctors and therapists than friends?
Where is the end to alternative therapies not being covered?
Where is the end to doctors not working together?
Where is the end to 77 million women worldwide crying out with a common voice, "I'm hurting—HELP ME!"?
Where is the end??
EndLESS is more like it!
Not endO! like a verse in a song!
For a person with Endo—it never ends.
I Never... by Nichole Kelly
Have you ever wondered what I feel like?
When you look at me so disappointed because I have to go back to the ER.
I never asked for this life...
You think it is hard for you to sit by and watch as your daughter, sister, or friend suffers?
Well, think about how I feel.
I am tired of fighting a losing battle. My body is winning, can't you see?
I never asked for this life...
I sit in the waiting rooms alone, being my own advocate because nobody else will fight for me. The doctors have no idea what is wrong, so they guess and throw a new pill at me and say see you in 3 weeks. What am I supposed to tell you...I DON'T KNOW!!
I never asked for this life...
I watch as everyone around me lives their life, and mine has been put on hold because my body is fighting to keep me down, but you get upset because I just can't and you don't understand why—I am so sorry!
I never asked for this life...
How I wish there was a cure for everything I have wrong with me! How I wish the pain would just go away for good! How I wish I would not have to face any more surgeries! How I wish I would not disappoint you anymore!
I never asked for this life, I never wanted this life....
When you look at me so disappointed because I have to go back to the ER.
I never asked for this life...
You think it is hard for you to sit by and watch as your daughter, sister, or friend suffers?
Well, think about how I feel.
I am tired of fighting a losing battle. My body is winning, can't you see?
I never asked for this life...
I sit in the waiting rooms alone, being my own advocate because nobody else will fight for me. The doctors have no idea what is wrong, so they guess and throw a new pill at me and say see you in 3 weeks. What am I supposed to tell you...I DON'T KNOW!!
I never asked for this life...
I watch as everyone around me lives their life, and mine has been put on hold because my body is fighting to keep me down, but you get upset because I just can't and you don't understand why—I am so sorry!
I never asked for this life...
How I wish there was a cure for everything I have wrong with me! How I wish the pain would just go away for good! How I wish I would not have to face any more surgeries! How I wish I would not disappoint you anymore!
I never asked for this life, I never wanted this life....
I Have Endometriosis by Danielle Daoust
Have you ever experienced pain?
Pain so bad you want to scream?
Pain that causes you to curl up in to a ball?
Pain that makes you cry?
Pain that makes you beg the question “why”?
I have.
Have you ever been told “You’re too young to feel such pain”?
Have you ever been told “You’re too young to be in menopause”?
Have you ever been told that there’s a possibility you won’t have children?
Have you ever been told “There isn’t much more we can do for you”?
I have.
Have you ever had a doctor tell you that it’s probably all in your head?
Have you ever had a period where you thought you might die from the pain?
Have you ever considered having a hysterectomy for the sake of pain relief?
Have you ever given up birth control or meat products to eliminate your hormone intake?
I have.
Have you seen a picture of my scarred insides?
Have you noticed that my exterior does not match my interior?
Have you noticed how my positivity is far beyond what you have perceived?
Have you noticed how much pain I endure on a daily basis?
I have.
I have endometriosis.
I have a cabinet full of useless pain medication.
I have scars on my belly from surgery that will never go away.
I have a life that revolves around how I am feeling on a daily basis.
I have experienced more pain than any 21 year old should have.
Yes, I have endometriosis.
Pain so bad you want to scream?
Pain that causes you to curl up in to a ball?
Pain that makes you cry?
Pain that makes you beg the question “why”?
I have.
Have you ever been told “You’re too young to feel such pain”?
Have you ever been told “You’re too young to be in menopause”?
Have you ever been told that there’s a possibility you won’t have children?
Have you ever been told “There isn’t much more we can do for you”?
I have.
Have you ever had a doctor tell you that it’s probably all in your head?
Have you ever had a period where you thought you might die from the pain?
Have you ever considered having a hysterectomy for the sake of pain relief?
Have you ever given up birth control or meat products to eliminate your hormone intake?
I have.
Have you seen a picture of my scarred insides?
Have you noticed that my exterior does not match my interior?
Have you noticed how my positivity is far beyond what you have perceived?
Have you noticed how much pain I endure on a daily basis?
I have.
I have endometriosis.
I have a cabinet full of useless pain medication.
I have scars on my belly from surgery that will never go away.
I have a life that revolves around how I am feeling on a daily basis.
I have experienced more pain than any 21 year old should have.
Yes, I have endometriosis.
Still You Want More by Barb Jacobs
All around me are doctors.
Doctors that don’t listen to what ails me.
Doctors who tell me to ‘learn to manage.’
All around me are people.
People who are unable to console me.
People who are giving up on me for being sick.
All around me are medications.
Medications to treat what ails me.
Medications that I am accused of abusing.
Most days are endless and filled with sorrow,
while I smile brightly and push.
I push until I can push no more.
I cry often in the shower to lighten the load of my family.
The more they don’t know the better.
The more I can fake it, the happier they are.
I have done everything they ask and they still ask more.
Take this pill, take this shot, and wear this patch.
Give us your uterus, give us your fallopian tubes.
Give us your ovaries, give us your cervix.
Give us your womanhood.
It is never enough.
Give us your appendix.
Give it 6 weeks to heal.
Give it a try.
Give it your all.
Give it all of you.
It devours you from the inside out.
The disease trumps everything.
You are alone and you are empty.
Some days it seems I am an outsider, looking at my life.
So hard to believe that this is it.
This is not what I dreamed.
Why is this happening to me?
Why is this happening to anyone?
I feel the edge of tears in my eyes.
I do not let them fall.
I can not sleep.
I take the pills they suggest.
I still can not sleep.
I do everything that is asked of me.
Why do my doctors not do the same?
I play their games but I am left without a team.
Doctors that don’t listen to what ails me.
Doctors who tell me to ‘learn to manage.’
All around me are people.
People who are unable to console me.
People who are giving up on me for being sick.
All around me are medications.
Medications to treat what ails me.
Medications that I am accused of abusing.
Most days are endless and filled with sorrow,
while I smile brightly and push.
I push until I can push no more.
I cry often in the shower to lighten the load of my family.
The more they don’t know the better.
The more I can fake it, the happier they are.
I have done everything they ask and they still ask more.
Take this pill, take this shot, and wear this patch.
Give us your uterus, give us your fallopian tubes.
Give us your ovaries, give us your cervix.
Give us your womanhood.
It is never enough.
Give us your appendix.
Give it 6 weeks to heal.
Give it a try.
Give it your all.
Give it all of you.
It devours you from the inside out.
The disease trumps everything.
You are alone and you are empty.
Some days it seems I am an outsider, looking at my life.
So hard to believe that this is it.
This is not what I dreamed.
Why is this happening to me?
Why is this happening to anyone?
I feel the edge of tears in my eyes.
I do not let them fall.
I can not sleep.
I take the pills they suggest.
I still can not sleep.
I do everything that is asked of me.
Why do my doctors not do the same?
I play their games but I am left without a team.
Dear Lover by Julie Wiseman
Today I have reached the limit of my being understanding with you. I
love you with everything I have, but in the last 6 months, you have
slowly and painfully thrown it in my face as not enough. I am not lazy,
or selfish, or a drug addict. What I am is ILL with an autoimmune
disorder. What this means, though I've explained many, many times, is
that my body
is attacking itself. The manifestation of it that I endure on a DAILY
basis is called Endometriosis. I am devastated emotionally, mentally
and physically by this daily struggle. You know this. You see this. And
you tell me in many ways that I am worthless to you because I can't
take care of YOU. Yes I know where the door is, you don't have to point it
out every time I have an opinion, good or bad. I may be weak and in
pain, but I am not so weak that I will not battle for the respect I
deserve. I am a strong and beautiful woman. I can appreciate this even
if you won't. Yes I said "won't." I'm not going to apologize for
neglecting YOUR comfort when I've been in the ER or sitting in doctors
offices to find one minute of relief so I can finally LIVE my life.
This disease isolates ENOUGH and I have been very lucky to have LOVING
and UNDERSTANDING people in my life. I'm even luckier that they are
still here, holding the hand you refuse to, even while you TRY to run
them off. On my good days I go to THEM because they will not come HERE
due to your treatment of me in their presence. MY nieces don't need to
see that. It is a sad sad fact that they will only come to the house
for as long as it takes to load me into the car for yet ANOTHER
emergency room visit, or to help me with grocery shopping when I am
physically too weak to walk 3 feet without support. They're the ones
drying my tears, when the same tears of PAIN have you labeling it a
failed attempt at a guilt trip. I don't need you. I don't need the
continuous verbal barrage, the emotional blackmail and the physical
intimidation. I may not have the strength to fight you, but I have the
intelligence to know I shouldn't have to and yes I know you haven't
begun to be pissy, but you can continue that to an empty house. I need
the space and understanding to heal. The first step is to leave you in
the past. I WILL win this battle on all fronts—I refuse to allow you
the power to thwart this.
If I Had My Life to Live Over by Erma Bombeck (who did not have Endo that I know of, but did have cancer)
I
would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth
would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.
I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.
I would have talked less and listened more.
I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.
I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.
I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.
I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.
I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased & sprayed.
I would have sat on the lawn with my grass stains.
I would have cried and laughed less while watching television and more while watching life.
I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.
Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, 'Later. Now go get washed up for dinner.' There would have been more 'I love you's' - more 'I'm sorry's'.
But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute. Look at it and really see it. Live it and never give it back. STOP SWEATING THE SMALL STUFF!!! Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what. Instead, let's cherish the relationships we have with those who do love us!
I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.
I would have talked less and listened more.
I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.
I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.
I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.
I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.
I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased & sprayed.
I would have sat on the lawn with my grass stains.
I would have cried and laughed less while watching television and more while watching life.
I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.
Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, 'Later. Now go get washed up for dinner.' There would have been more 'I love you's' - more 'I'm sorry's'.
But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute. Look at it and really see it. Live it and never give it back. STOP SWEATING THE SMALL STUFF!!! Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what. Instead, let's cherish the relationships we have with those who do love us!
Dear Endo Sisters by Melanie Gelinas
Dear Endo Sisters,
May this find you well. I pray that it comes to you and is able to give you strength, inspiration, love, peace, and the ability to get through just one more day. May the journey of pain and suffering you feel and have felt be a distant memory some day soon. Our daughters, sisters, nieces, friends, granddaughters shouldn't have to suffer as we have.
Each of us have this condition for a reason.
Whether it is to test our strength, make a difference in another Endo Suffering Sisters life, or to speak out and share our pain, making someone learn.
I pray for a cure sooner, rather than later. But mostly, I pray that as you read this today, you feel my love, compassion, and understanding.
May this find you well. I pray that it comes to you and is able to give you strength, inspiration, love, peace, and the ability to get through just one more day. May the journey of pain and suffering you feel and have felt be a distant memory some day soon. Our daughters, sisters, nieces, friends, granddaughters shouldn't have to suffer as we have.
Each of us have this condition for a reason.
Whether it is to test our strength, make a difference in another Endo Suffering Sisters life, or to speak out and share our pain, making someone learn.
I pray for a cure sooner, rather than later. But mostly, I pray that as you read this today, you feel my love, compassion, and understanding.
